We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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