JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
