The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
