I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
