Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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