I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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