ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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