i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
