it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
