What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
