Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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