2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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