You work out of a Hotel?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
