I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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