she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
