I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
