You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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