I think I died a long time ago.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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