I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
