Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
