It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
