guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
