Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
