I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
