I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
