i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
