I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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