we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
