I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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