I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
