Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
