so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
