I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
