here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
