You really coming over, don't trick.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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