I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
