Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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