I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
