So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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