Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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