I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
