but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
