Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize