i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
