hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You took a bar mat shot.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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