I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize