it's too hot outside to masturbate.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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