Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
