omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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