i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
