I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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