I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
