Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
