I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
