when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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