I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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