quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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