picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
