If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.