"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
