Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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