Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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