dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
