So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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