Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
