Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
